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Dilyn, who was to be dumped by a puppy dealer because he was born was a crocked jaw, sported a pink rosette with the words “Stop puppy farming”.

With Moses crocked, Azpilicueta has reverted to a utility role and looks disorientated, as well as jaded.

The tearful press conferences, the news-helicopter shots of the crocked Neymar being airlifted on his gurney, shrouded in baseball cap and shades: it was all oddly hysterical.

“Why, you old fool, you ought to be crocked off for writing this book.”

“It ended up being fine. I only hit two crocked shots today because of my back. Everything else was fine, I tried to have good rhythm and my putter was smoking hot.”