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Chair Julian Knight MP said a £1.57bn support package was "nothing more than an Elastoplast over a gaping wound".

“To some extent, enforcement is an Elastoplast,” he says.

Spain's rescue is a victory for the euro, but it is merely an Elastoplast to cure a haemorrhage.

If gay men are going to have to self-diagnose and treat their own mental-health issues, lending a well-thumbed copy of The Velvet Rage might present the first Elastoplast to the problem.

It originally specialised in cod liver oil but soon moved into medical dressings and developed Elastoplast in 1928.